Hello friends,
I hope that this finds you so well during this special energy of the solar eclipse.
I’ve just returned from an afternoon spent with my children at The Brickworks to experience the eclipse. I have to admit that I’ve been quite against all of the hype—the buying of the glasses to look at something that everything else in nature knows not to look at during that time—seems against the whole point of this phenomenon to me. But, my husband and kids wanted to check it out, so I went along, my one request being that we go somewhere in nature so that I could watch what the birds and animals would do and not get pulled into the more human chaos of it. I wasn’t the only one who had that idea, as there was a decent crowd, but it did feel peaceful and serene being there, listening to the birds as they got louder and louder and then suddenly quiet during the darkest point of the moon passing over the sun.
I’m glad that I went, and I’m also glad that I didn’t spend $3000 for a hotel overnight in Niagara Falls, which apparently people have done. There is something about keeping it simple that, I think, especially in these overstimulating times, we sometimes forget can be more nourishing and more meaningful. Remembering the whole point of what’s going on in the first place.
This last month there have been so many themes and personal lessons that have come up for me, I have to admit I’ve struggled for the first time since launching this newsletter to know what to write about.
One theme I’ve been working with is the idea of living through your dreams coming true—what that feels like, and how, once your dream comes true, it can often remind you of other dreams you still have, or you’ve forgotten, only to discover they still matter to you.
For my entire adult life I’ve dreamed of having my own column or my own series for a legitimate publication. After Today’s Parent published my weekly series, Self-Care Sunday, for the month of February as a test run, they agreed to continue on with publishing this as an ongoing monthly series. I was thrilled to have this opportunity, and yet I was reminded again that having a dream and then experiencing it actually being realized can look very different. I’m not sure that all those years ago while watching Sex and The City and dreaming of an untethered life (unrealistic as it was) like Carrie Bradshaw’s, I was thinking that I would be writing a self-care column for Today’s Parent. But, here I am, and this long and winding path has brought me to this point in a way that I’m very grateful for. I’ve reached a place in my life where, by sharing my own experiences and vulnerabilities, I am being given the chance to be of service to others, which to me is what this doing life is all about. (You can read this most recent instalment of Self-Care Sunday here, which was all about working through and healing body image and objectification.)
The other aspect of life I’ve been working through has been the idea of mothering—mothering my children, and mothering myself, and what that all means. This month has been another challenging one, with both kids’ programs, illnesses, attitudes, and me just being plain old tired, in large part due to my finding out that my iron levels are extremely low (if you needed it, this is a reminder to get your annual checkup and bloodwork done!) I told my husband the other night that, at the core of it, I just don’t think I’m built with the same energy levels as he and my boys are. I need more rest, I need more down time, I need more silence. It’s how I’m wired, and the mother in me knows to honour that in myself.
And yet sometimes, on my dark days, this makes me feel like maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mom, that maybe other, more energetic people would be so much better at this role than I am. But I know that there are no coincidences, that I am meant to be their mother just as much as anything has ever been meant to be. And maybe that in the dynamic we share, while I am learning about my own boundaries and what I can and cannot do—and most importantly, when I need to tap out and say no—perhaps they are also learning the value of rest, balance, and having nothing to do, and how that cultivates opportunities for connection, for spontaneous moments, and for ease. Il dolce far niente is the way that is expressed in Italy—the sweetness of doing nothing.
As I entered into a brief guided meditation for the eclipse that was sent to me by my first ever spiritual teacher that I met at the tender age of 12, she said during her message that the moon is guiding is through this phase to remember who we truly are. And that struck a deep chord with me, and also, I think, encapsulates everything that has been happening for me recently.
April, the Spring, is a time of renewal and rebirth, but I think it’s also a time of remembering. Remembering that we are not just a body, that we are not just a person who works, or a mother who takes care of children, or a friend who makes plans for hanging out. We are all of those things and yet there was a time before any of that—before any of the labels and identities and responsibilities—where we were still entire, complete beings, here with a uniqueness and a purpose and a style that perhaps was yet to be articulated, but it was always there. And now is the time for a renewed and remembered sense of what that uniqueness is, in all its multitudes.
I am—and have always been—a person who craves alone time, who relishes in a good book by myself for hours on end as the ultimate luxury. I am someone who likes to be slow and intentional, not always having to be working or doing. I am also someone who loves being with my people, who loves a good belly laugh (preferably many times a day), who loves a good steak and a glass of wine despite all the science telling me that I shouldn’t. I am someone who dreams of being a writer in more ways than I currently am. I still dream of writing that book (or books) about time periods long ago that hold endless fascination for me. I’m someone that loses my temper when I’m tired or pushed to the limit. I’m someone that gets nervous and scared even though it seems outwardly that I don’t. I’m someone that loves fiercely, and also, can be cut, and cut back in return, deeply. I’m someone that is curious, and also prefers to just do the things I like and be around the people I’m comfortable with. I’m not a joiner, until I am.
All that is to say, in remembering and acknowledging all the different parts of who I am, and being compassionate and mothering towards myself, my dreams, my needs, and my shortcomings, the reason I wasn’t able to write about just one theme or lesson or challenge this month is because it’s all just part of Life right now, it’s the truth of currently who and how I am.
I felt this so acutely today, as we walked around the ponds and the marshes of The Brickworks, listening to the sounds and the quiet, feeling the shift in the air as the sky got darker, inch by inch. My husband declared in his casual but profound way, “Look guys, life is happening”. And it landed so resoundingly, right in the center of me, that I had to pause. Right, I thought. Life is happening.
I thought about how life is always happening, whether we realize it or not. It’s never ending dreaming, and mothering, and feeling like a failure, and remembering parts of us that we forgot; it’s energy renewing, and aligning with what we’re here to do, knowing what makes us tick; it’s feeling sad, or tired; it’s knowing that it’s okay when it’s all not perfect, and is sometimes even harsh or dark. Life doesn’t require us to do anything other than flow with it, to come back to that truth, over and over again—no matter how often we get derailed—of who we are and to live from that place. To live from the truth that it’s all good. It’s all life.
And just like that (see what I did there?) my moment of pause, and the eclipse, both ended. The boys started whining for a snack, asking whether they could go play with their friends, and getting upset when I said no. It was time to head home and get ready for dinner.
The sun came back out, the light returned. And Life kept happening.
Prompt Of The Month
This month, with it being spring and the heralding in of fresh energy (and the releasing of stagnant energy that no longer serves) I would love to offer you this following prompt to work with.
As always, set yourself up with a pen and paper, light a candle, or if you prefer you can use these as walking meditation prompts. And then, just write…
How can I come back more fully to my truest self, to remember who I am?
If this idea and theme is resonating with you, I also wanted to share a lovely (and brief) meditation from Mindful In Minutes on the idea of releasing your past here.
Yoga of the Month:
This Earth Element Grounding and Stability class is one that I have been doing often lately. I love that it starts with Vinyasa for the first half and then the second half transitions to Yin. This is not traditionally the order you are supposed to do these two traditions of yoga in, but it’s my preferred way of doing them, and is also how Yoga with Kassandra combines the two styles in her classes.
This grounding sequence is fun and connects with the energy of the Earth—appropriate for Earth Day on April 22nd—so if you are looking for something new and engaging to shake up your movement routine, I highlight recommend this one.
One-on-One Sessions
As lives and schedules are increasingly busy and conflicting for the people on my wonderful community here, I have decided to offer one on one sessions for therapeutic writing, meditation, channeled oracle readings, and yoga, tailored and curated to each person’s needs and interests with a unique combination just for each session.
If this is of interest to you, please reach out to me directly to set up an in-person session and receive further details. And feel free to share with anyone you think might be interested in learning more!
Namaste, my friends.
Until next time…
All good things your way,
Allison