Hello friends,
I hope that this finds you so well, wherever you are. And if you’re having a hard time in any way, I hope that this offers some comfort and support.
February is the month of love: Romantic, Valentine’s Day, I choo-choo-choose you kind of love. Which is great! I’m all for more love in all the ways. But I would also invite you to see if you can use this month to turn that love inward toward yourself, to make this the month where you devote even 10% more of your huge capacity to love others toward your own precious self.
To that end, I’m excited to share that this month I have a new series with Today’s Parent called Self-Care Sundays, where each week I will be writing an article in the same vein as my monthly newsletters, providing tips and sharing personal experiences to help support cultivating more self-care in the lives of those who read it. Today, the first in the series was published on the theme of The Body (the mind, heart, and spirit to follow next).
It’s funny how perspective changes with time, with growth, with age. This series is one that I have been trying to bring about in some form for awhile now. I finally got to a position where I felt fairly confident the outlet I wanted to pitch it to would accept it, so I shot my shot. I was thrilled when the editor at Today’s Parent gave me the green light. And then, after I sent my draft of the first article in, I didn’t hear back for days.
My perspective and self-talk ten years ago would have gone immediately to the worst and most critical places, assuming the lack of response was because obviously the editor hated my work and thought I was an utterly shit writer (which, in fairness, is the plight of all writers, no matter how successful they are). And although I admit I had a minute of that, I have the life experience behind me and the gracious perspective to know that whatever the reason she wasn’t replying to me, it didn’t matter because my intention in wanting to write this series comes from the deepest calling of my heart to want to help people. I told myself that I would just have to find another way to get it out there. So I let it go, resolved to try again another day, another way.
That same hour, my editor reached out to tell me how sorry she was, that it had been a really busy week, and that she was putting the finishing touches on the final piece for publication.
It was such a good reminder for me of why I’m doing this work, that it isn’t about getting published or about another byline. And also a confirmation that no matter how small or wide my reach as an author is, if I’m able to help even 10 people find a way to connect back in to themselves, to feel a little bit better through the words I write, then it is very much a part of my purpose to continue this work. One that I am devoted to fulfilling. With time, of course, my hope is that this reach grows and extends as more people are drawn to read about my experiences and these practices to help themselves. But I know enough now to not let myself get bogged down in the weeds, and let things flow as they are meant to flow. As long as it’s coming from a place of love, it seems that somehow, always, the rest gets taken care of.
Prompt Of The Month
Since February is, indeed, the month of love, it’s hard for me not to think about the heart, our most precious organ and the place of our true self and intuition. One of my favourite facts about the heart is one I learned from the work of the HeartMath Institute, a non-profit organization dedicated to researching the function and role of the heart in parapsychology. Through their studies they have proven that—contrary to popular understanding—it is not the brain that sends the majority of signals to the body, but rather, it is the other way around. The heart and cardiovascular system is the place from which the majority of ascending neural pathways come from, which means, basically, that the heart sends more information to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. The heart is the wellspring that all wisdom emerges from, and if we can listen more deeply to what the heart is saying, and not the mind, we will find our path open up so much more easily.
The cool thing about living in the time we are in is that science is starting to catch up with what ancient spiritual traditions, wise men and women, and philosophers have known for eons. For the skeptical mind, the proof from the material world is starting to support the esoteric truths, making it more mainstream to live a heart centred life. At the very least, those seeds are starting to be planted more firmly in the collective, and I love to see it.
So this month, the writing prompt we are working with is the idea of bowing the mind intelligence to the heart intelligence, the space within us that is the seat of our true selves and highest wisdom.
As you set yourself up to write, or if you prefer to just sit in quiet and meditate, do that, and then take 3 deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Really sigh it out, letting your body settle into the moment. Close your eyes and imagine yourself dropping from the busy mind into the calm center of your chest. Perhaps imagine a light in the middle that starts to expand the more you focus on it.
And then ask into this lit up space:
What does my heart want me to know, today, in this moment?
It’s a simple question, but the answers that arise will be profound. I encourage you to listen, to write down what comes through without forcing and judgment. Where possible, take grounded action to follow through on the intuition that comes through.
Pose of the Month: Melting Heart Pose
This is a wonderful pose to do when you’re feeling stuck, at the end of the work day if your upper body needs a stretch, or simply on those days when your heart is in need of extra care. It’s a pose of surrender, of opening up to what is, and of grounding down into the support of the earth. It is the embodiment of melting everything down so that you are connecting intentionally to the heart and opening up to whatever is there to meet you.
To do this pose, I would encourage a few rounds of cat/cow to begin with just to warm up the spine. Then, while keeping your hips high and knees planted and pulling back towards your heels, extend your arms and truly feel yourself melting down to the ground. Let yourself rest for as long as you can, at least two minutes is great. Remember to breathe, and just allow the ground to connect as best as you can with your heart space, without forcing it down.
Final Thoughts
Coming out of January, I feel more committed than ever to sharing the self-care practices that have helped me so much in returning to a place of balance.
It feels that almost every other conversation I have with people I encounter throughout my days, especially women, is around the idea that we are all experiencing varying degrees of burnout, whether from parenting, or working, or working and parenting, and everything else life throws at us. The energy of this time is a lot to navigate.
Just today, I was chatting with a friend who is struggling. She told me she feels like she’s failing at everything—parenting, working, wifing, life-ing—even though, to me, it’s clear she’s doing such an incredible job at juggling all the balls she has in the air. I suggested a few things to help her balance out a bit, like gentle walks, baths, yin yoga, and yet I could see that even the idea of those few practices was just too much. The very notion of having to make time to do anything else—even if that time would be to do something for herself—was too exhausting. So the thought came to me again about this idea of perspective, and how sometimes it just comes down to that. Sometimes it’s not about doing more, or less, or differently, but instead it’s about shifting the perspective, to pull out of the harshness of the logical mind, and drop into the gentler and greater wisdom of the heart.
I offered up the idea that maybe instead of aiming for 100% in all these life areas, it would be kinder to aim for 75%. 75% in all things, taking the pressure off to be the best and feeling like she was always coming up short, and instead to aim for just being good enough. Allowing good enough to be enough for now. I offered up that this time in life, with younger kids and working and all the things that come along with that, is temporary. It’s so, so temporary. It won’t always be this hard, or at least, this kind of hard. My hope in offering her this shift in perspective was that maybe just holding on to that idea—that it’s not amazing right now, but this, along with all things, will also pass—could be more helpful than any other item or practice to add to the never-ending list of To-Dos.
Whether it will help or not I suppose remains to be seen. But it’s a good reminder, for myself included, that when all else fails, dropping out of the mind and the ego, and into the heart and the true self— where everything looks a little bit kinder, and feels a little bit easier— is always available to us. The heart always knows the truth that the mind will never be able to figure out. We just have to remember to go there.
Until next time…
All good things your way,
Allison