Hello friends,
I hope that this finds you—wherever you are—peacefully and lovingly.
As I write this, I’m looking out my kitchen window where everything is covered in a blanket of fresh snow and it finally feels as though winter has arrived. I welcome it. These next few months, while they have a renewed energy as we enter 2024, are also about rest and hibernation. Nature does not take January to March as a time to get working. It’s a time to go inward, to allow for things to be darker, quieter, less busy, so that when April rolls around we are naturally ready to enter the spring with a genuine pep in our step.
I found it really fascinating in leading up to New Year’s Eve this year that collectively, instead of people talking about resolutions, the idea was more about what they were leaving behind in 2023 and what they were welcoming in to 2024. This is the first year that I’ve noticed this kind of rhetoric, and I think it’s a sign that more of us are returning to a more peaceful, balanced approach to life—or at least, that’s the intention.
Resolutions are full of pressure, timelines, and exerting willpower. Gently examining what no longer serves and what you’re ready to let go of, as well as what you’re ready to make more space for, is in alignment with the most core principles of the Divine Feminine. I loved seeing this shift because what it says to me is that collectively we have taken one more step away from hustle and grind culture, and one more step towards living a whole, heart centred life. A life where work, play, and love are measured equally instead of the emphasis or highest worth being placed on work first and everything else second.
So on that note, I will share what I’m leaving behind in 2023, and what I’m making space for in 2024.
I am leaving behind stress. Ha! I bet that got you laughing! It sounds impossible, right? How can you leave behind stress? It’s a thread woven deeply through our every day lives. But my intention is to leave behind—as best as I can—the habits and relationships in life, or the perspectives I hold surrounding them—that cause me to have a stressful reaction. My nervous system, frankly, can’t take it anymore.
I recently started listening to Dr. Edith Eger’s book The Gift. She talks about how as a survivor of the prisoner camps in Auschwitz, she learned that the only prison that truly exists is the one that we make in our own minds. That in every situation, no matter how dire or how mundane, we have choice as to how we will respond, how we will see it, how we are beholden to it. This really hit me, and I thought, Well, if she can do it, so can I. I want to prioritize my internal peace, joy, and health more than I want to hold on to my role heretofore as a stressed out working mom.
What I’m making space for in 2024 is TIME. It’s a consistent theme with me, this idea of time—the lack of it, the yearning for it, the constant attempt to make space for it. But I mean time in more than just the measure of minutes passing. I recently listened to Jay Shetty, a former monk and spiritual teacher, speak about how his daily practice can be summed up with the acronym TIME, which to him stands for:
T-Thankfulness
I-Intention
M-Meditation
E-Exercise
I think that if I can hold space for all of those things in a day, then I’m doing okay. Better than okay, I’m doing my best, for myself and for those around me. Ultimately, that’s all we can do.
Prompt Of The Month
Self sovereignty is an idea I keep returning to. It’s the idea that, ultimately, we know best for ourselves. There is of course value in learning and receiving from others’ guidance and expertise. But I hope that in the shifting months and years ahead, we might all lean more into what we know to be true for ourselves.
You are the ultimate authority on You.
I read somewhere I can’t recall now that greater than right or wrong as a compass for navigating our lives is our intuition. And I think this to be immensely true. So if you hear advice or guidance or messaging this year that doesn’t sit well with you or just doesn’t seem to be right for you, I encourage you to listen to yourself first and just leave what doesn’t resonate at the door.
On the note of self sovereignty, the writing prompt I am offering up this month is to help hone in on and practice this idea. The answers that you seek are within, not without. This may seem trite and a bit woo-woo (but let’s face it, I’m a bit woo woo), yet it’s also a powerful idea. No one can tell you how to be, or what you need, better than you can.
So grab a notebook and a pen, take a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. If you would rather just sit in contemplation or walk with this idea, you can do that too.
And then begin…
I am my own authority.
My heart and my mind are a source of infinite wisdom within me.
The answer to the question I am seeking is…
Pose of the Month: Sleeping Swan (or Pigeon Pose)
This one can be tricky if you have tight hips like I do. Especially as women, we often hold our stress and emotions in our hips and sacrum/low back, which is why this can be a challenge on many levels. Practiced often and deeply, this can cause a release on both the physical and emotional level. If you are inclined to give it a go, I would begin with extended child’s pose and cat/cow to warm up, and then move into Sleeping Swan (which is what it’s called in the Yin Yoga tradition) for a nice ten minute sequence at the start or end of the day.
Don’t try to chase sensation. If you need to tuck your foot in closer to your thigh as opposed to getting your top leg perfectly parallel to the front of your mat, who cares. Just go with what feels good and allows you to come into rest on your arms or a bolster or pillow in front. Hold for 3 minutes each side and just listen to your breath.
Final Thoughts
The winter break was manifold for me. I loved having time to be with my kids, to not have to wake up to an alarm clock, to let the day unfold organically. To play. I also spent most of it dealing with a sinus infection which turned into bronchitis and many sleepless nights. So, that was less fun. I’m looking forward to the kids going back to school and establishing a new—less stressful—routine.
This past weekend, my husband gave me with the opportunity to truly recuperate from my never-ending cold by taking our boys away on a hockey tournament solo so that I could have 3 days and 2 nights of rest to myself. I don’t think I’ve had that in over ten years. Of course, as most women do, once they left and I had all the time that I so often crave, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had to actively give myself permission to rest and remind myself that this time was a gift that I had been given to entirely recuperate and lean into the practices that I preach. It took me a minute, but I got there.
I was quiet, I went for a massage, I took gentle walks around the neighbourhood, practiced yoga, read a new book. As part of how I wanted to start off 2024, I had already decided to do a social media detox, prioritize good sleep hygiene, as well as to participate in a damp (so not entirely dry, but almost) January. Getting to do this kind of reset, I realize, is a privilege, but I also looked at it as a sort of experiment to see what I would come out the other side with.
Not only did it allow for my body to come back to health, I learned, or perhaps relearned, the value of a kind word, and how much words matter. They are the bridge between our inner and outer worlds, and the expression of our interconnectedness as human beings. I have been on the receiving end of an unkind word and have also been the perpetrator of harsh words—as we all have. This is probably in part what drew me to be a writer from an early age, as I came to realize the power a word could wield to transcend and uplift or to destroy and deny, more than any pointed sword.
Because I spent the last few days alone and quiet for the most part, I was more acutely aware of the interactions with people that I did have, which were mostly with strangers. On the day that I was scheduled to go for a massage, I sent out a wish that I would be paired with a therapist who would be really suited to helping me reset my body in the way that it most needed.
I met Sam, shook her hand, and immediately felt this sense that she was exactly who I was meant to be matched up with. She started off the massage quietly, which I was grateful for, but as she discovered certain areas that were full of tension (my shoulders up around my ears, for instance, which she said is due to stress…obviously), she spoke to me about what she was noticing and what I could do to alleviate it. It was so helpful to be shown exactly the areas in my body that needed extra love and attention so that in the coming weeks I can work to fully reset and release unnecessary tension or pain through targeted stretches and exercises.
Sam was so kind and nurturing and gentle. I didn’t want to just say “Thank you” for her work as our session came to a close. So I called on my intuition, asking for the words to really express my gratitude. I told her that her energy was really lovely, and that if I was right, I could tell that this was more than just a job to her, but that it felt more like a calling, and a vocation, and that if so, I just wanted her to know that I thought she was truly excellent at it. Sam paused and took a deep breath. I was worried I’d said the wrong thing for a moment, but then she said to me, You know, I can’t tell you how much that means to me. She said that she had struggled for a long time to find purpose (Welcome to the club, honey!), had flipped and flopped, working in service then martial arts and then biotech, until someone said to her that she would be really good as an RMT. A lightbulb went off and she went with it. She told me that she truly loved her work and loved helping people.
I, in turn, loved hearing her story, as it was yet another reminder to me that we all come to where we need to be in the exact perfect timing—no rushing or forcing can get us there faster. And I guess Sam loved hearing the words I offered to her because they came from a place of genuine kindness and appreciation. In that moment we both received a gift, one that went far beyond the exchange of money for a service.
I left the massage being more deeply aware than ever that we never know the impact we can have on a person’s day. Sometimes we will show up better than others. That’s okay. It’s all part of it. But when you can in the coming weeks, I offer you this invitation: If you feel inspired or if you’ve been feeling low, offer up a word of kindness as a gift to yourself and the other person.
Words matter. The ones we say to ourselves just as much as the ones we say to others.
Until next time…
All good things your way,
Allison