Hello friends,
I debated calling this month’s newsletter The (Lost) Art of Being A Woman, but it felt a little bit too incendiary and negative, which is not something any of us needs more of these days. I’m all about bringing the light and the love however and wherever I possibly can.
However, this idea about the art of being a woman in all its forms—a creator, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a leader, and an elder—and how it has been pushed to the background over the last century in favour of being someone who is only valued for their job or the money that they make in the world is something that I can’t stop thinking or talking about, mostly because it keeps coming up in conversation in myriad ways. When that happens, I know that it’s a breadcrumb that I need to be following, and so, here I am with you today.
This topic is something that has been increasing in intensity over the last few years in my world. In almost every conversation I have with my friends and fellow women and mothers around my community and beyond, I continue to hear the same things repeated on a theme—they are overwhelmed, overworked, they have no time for themselves (or they don’t make time for themselves), and even though this makes up almost the entirety of their inner and outer existence, somehow, they feel guilty that they aren’t doing enough, or aren’t doing what they “should” be doing. Inevitably, it seems that each one of them over time develops signs for some kind of illness, whether that is of the autoimmune variety (over 80% of people who deal with autoimmune diseases are women), an temporary injury from literally running around without stopping, or a cold that just takes a really long time to go away thanks to an overtaxed immune system.
It is my personal theory that the feminist movements over the last century (while entirely necessary and I bow down to all of the women who led them and sacrificed so that we have the rights that we have today) also led to a pendulum swing that has obfuscated the very real truth of our existence, which is this: While men and women are, and have always been, entirely equal beings, deserving of the same rights and opportunities and considerations in the world, we are not the same. Women are inherently creative and nurturing beings. We came into existence with the ability to give life, to support life, and to nourish life in a very specific and unique way that is different from men. That is how balance is created on a micro and macro level in the world and in our lives. It’s the very essence of yin and yang, dark and light. One cannot exist in harmony without the other.
For ages, there was an art to being a woman, a feminine art. (And, equally, an art to being a man.) Each energetic signature and role had their own place in the community. In cave dwelling societies, women tended to the food, the home, and the children. They foraged for food, and that food was almost entirely what their community subsisted on because bringing home a fresh kill was not a guarantee. I recently discovered the work of foremost neurologist and author Dr. Lisa Mosconi talking about the so-called “Grandmother Hypothesis”, which explains that women in these tribal societies not only continued to be useful beyond childbearing years and into menopause, but they were vital for tribal survival. They helped care for the older children to alleviate the burden from mothers with young infants, and because they no longer had the physical havoc of declining hormones once menopause set in, they had the mental clarity and vision to be able to consider everyone beyond themselves in order to do what was in the best interests of the whole rather than the one. Basically, it was the women’s specific attributes and skills that carried entire communities and civilizations from one generation into the next.
Today, when I hear my female friends and loved ones talk about how they feel guilty if they aren’t at home enough with their children if they work outside the home, or they feel inadequate because they don’t make as much money as their partners if they stay at home or work part time, I can’t help but wonder where it all got lost. For a very long time, the art of embodying the feminine energy, as in, the art of caring for the home, for the food, caring for others in the community, and creating—whether that was creating life, or a beautiful weave, or a garden of flowers and vegetables—was not only enough, it was highly respected and valued.
We were never supposed to do it all.
I’m not saying that I’m in favour of all of us going back to cave life, or to traditional delineations of men’s work and women’s work. Far from it. The Trad Wife movement isn’t without its issues and toxic messaging (I’m definitely not for going back to a time where women are subservient to their husbands or anyone else). But I think I understand how it came into existence, as a response to this really intense pendulum swing and a collective need to be able to celebrate the art of being a woman. What I feel I’m being led to consider as part of my path this year in what I observe, study, and then offer back to my community here, is this: There is an art to being a woman, or rather, to being aligned with our personal inclinations towards the energy of the feminine. Because being a woman inherently is art. It’s creative, it’s flow, it’s light. It’s trusting intuition, and it’s leading from the heart when the head is trying desperately to take over.
I believe we have more than enough heads trying to take over right now, if you know what I mean. It’s time for the heart.
I found myself in conversation with a fellow mom friend this week that perfectly encapsulated this and I was grateful to be shown such a pure and beautiful example of this idea in motion; how despite being a busy, working mom, it’s possible to find real, tangible ways to connect with our innate feminine energy. I had known prior that this friend worked as a nurse for her day job. But as we got to chatting the other day, I found out that during the pandemic she had built a greenhouse in her backyard and now, in her spare time, she cultivates, tends to, and sells tropical plants at marketplaces around the city. Just because she loves it. This is how she meditates, this is how she connects to her inner self, and this is also how she is showing her little boy how to do the same. Her life, and the way she moves through it, embodies the art of being a woman in the modern age. Yes, she has a job, as most of us either want or need to do. But she has also found a way to weave and incorporate the feminine into her life by connecting with nature and doing something just because she loves, because it’s creative, and because it brings her joy.
If I could create a movement and an invitation for every woman I know and every woman I am am yet to meet, it would be this:
Create your life. Curate your life. Design your life.
Take steps now, today, to start weaving the feminine energy into your world and stop “shoulding” all over yourself to do things just because that’s how you were told they need to be done by someone a long time ago. Find a way to come back to your heart, and get out of your head. Do something, make something, create something from nothing—even if that creation is just a meal— because it brings joy or beauty or peace or love or eases a modicum of suffering into the world. Not because it makes money. Not because it looks good on a CV.
Find little ways and big ways to create a life for yourself that, if not every minute of every day, but most days, or even maybe just some days, has you feeling like you are living how you truly want to be living.
For my part, I vow to do the same.
Here are some resources that I’ve been working with lately that are teaching me and inspiring me to come back more deeply into my heart and my feminine energy, and to make space for the things that I truly love to do as a woman and a mother:
The Warrior Goddess Way by Heather Ash Amara
Martha Beck: Move Toward Joy Today! (We Can Do Hard Things podcast)
Listening to 432 hz frequencies (These are Solfreggio frequencies, the science behind which indicates that certain tones and sounds are supportive to mind and body healing).
The Science of Upgrading Your Health and Relationships From The Power Of Your Heart (Feel Good podcast with Kimberly Snyder)
I would be very grateful to hear any thoughts, feedback, or ideas you have on this subject so that I’m not echoing into a chamber. All is welcome! If you’re so inclined, email me at allison.mcdonald.ace@gmail.com or connect with me on social media.
Until next time, be so very well.
Allison